Bye-Bye

Snow boots. Check
Artic wear mittens. Check
Long Underwear. Check
Soft, warm wool/mohair blend hat and scarf (that I knit Friday night). Check
Voting. Check
Ethel, Purl, and the Belgian Airhead delivered to spa. Check

Okay, I can go now.

North to Alaska, I'm goin' north, the rush is on.......

Til later,

Think warm thoughts.

I'm tired, I have a To-Do list a mile long, all things political are giving me a headache, the Wordy One will be gone for 3 days this weekend, so I'm in charge of ALL the suitcase packing.

Because, the day after the stupid election, we're heading to Alaska (Yes, Jeff, I know. I'm going in the wrong direction...). Alaska, where the temps are in the 20's and 30's. Where I'm going to need my snow boots. Where the sun probably won't peak out from behind the clouds the whole time I'm there. Well, at least I won't make my friends jealous of my marvelous tan. (Actually, I'm very excited about visiting Alaska again, snow, temps, cloudy days and all.)

And the day I return (weather permitting), I'll be starting a 3 day meeting marathon.

But at least the political campaign ads will be gone.

Til later,

Be Optimistic

You Don't Know What You Got Til It's Gone...

Today I lost another 2 hours of my life learning the ins and outs, crisis points, big no-nos, and all the other crap that I learned before the primary elections, all that election judge stuff, all the unnecessary rules and regulations and paperwork we have to know and do just because a bunch of yay-whoos in Florida couldn't keep there chads from hangin'.

And I have just one question:
When did we lose TRUST?

Til later,

Have faith

Some Firsts

Before I get to the actual post, I must inform everyone of a breaking (at least to me) news story. Just read that the new "big" thing for women is fanny facials.


Let's just dwell on that a while.......


It's been a time of firsts the last few days. Firsts can be good. The first kiss, your first child, first car, etc. Firsts can be bad. First car accident, first Christmas without a parent, and so forth.

Mine weren't any of those.

1) First time I felt old on the dance floor. Last weekend the Wordy One and I attended a wedding, reception, and the dance that followed. Well, before one dance, the DJ ordered all the married couples out to the dance floor. No big deal. The music started. The Wordy One groaned. (It was a country western song.) The DJ started calling out numbers and if you'd been married less than that number, you had to leave the dance floor. The Wordy One and I were one of the last 3 couples on the floor.
At least we got a good, long, slow dance outa the deal.

2) First time I had a root canal. My face hurt. I couldn't eat much. My checkbook really hurt! And I looked like a chipmunk with a cheek fulla seed for 3 days.
I'm glad the year is almost over. 2006 will go down in history as the year the dentist had his fist in my mouth more than I had my foot in it. Quite an accomplishment.

3) First Guardian Angel moment. The Wordy One and I started a 2 hour journey home late Sunday night. We were in the hill country of SE Minnesota. Beautiful during the day, but a bit treacherous after dark. Winding roads, hairpin curves, road ditches that fall off to nothingness, trees everywhere, and, hidden in the trees, deer. Lots of deer. Deer who obviously have a death wish......or a real hatred of vehicles.
Not many vehicles on those little, back roads at 10PM. If we'd been riding a horse, it would have felt like something out of the Headless Horseman story. The Wordy One watched the road and my job was the watch for deer. About 2 miles out of town, on a very twisty section of road, I saw light reflecting into the trees ahead as a vehicle approached a curve from the opposite direction. Just as we rounded the curve, the lights from the other vehicle highlighted 4 deer on the far side of the road, 4 deer who just then decided to play chicken with our car, 4 deer that we would not have seen if the headlights of the oncoming car had not fallen on them, 4 deer who would have been our hood, fender, and roof ornaments if that car had not been there.
We were able to stop and let the deer dash safely across the road, and we didn't see another car that night until we reached the freeway. Guardian Angel moment? Yup.

4) First time I can wish Jeff a hearty congratulations on his recent wedding. May your days be filled with warm hugs, long kisses, and a joy that lights up your eyes each time your wife smiles at you.
Glad you survived the honeymoon......

Til later,

Believe

Rules of Life

Rule #568: Always make sure your thong underwear is being worn correctly.

For an itty-bitty piece of underwear, those things have an amazing number of ways to be worn {and I'm not even counting Way #10: As a Fetching Head Covering). And all of those amazing ways are wrong except one. Today I picked the wrong way.

Well, I didn't exactly PICK the wrong way, it just sorta happened. For instance, if one is in a hurry, one reaches into the undie drawer, grabs what's needed, fights with it (because it was dried in the dryer--big no-no for undies---even though I lived with dryer-dried undies for most of my life and I'm still alive and upright, so what's the big deal, huh?--and when "modern" undies are dried in the dryer--instead of ON TOP of the dryer---if they're dried IN the dryer, they become cloth pretzels which need to be unwound to be worn---unless you're the sort of impatient person who frustrates easily and just wads up the pretzel a bit more, stuffs it in your jeans, and screams, "There! I'm wearing underwear! Dammit.(Not that there's anything wrong with that)), dons the underwear, finishes dressing, and leaves the house. Well, if one did that, one might feel a bit uncomfortable during the day, but one might pass it off on something else, like, maybe a rash....or something. And since thong underwear looks good UNDER clothing, but after a certain age, does not look all that great WITHOUT clothing over it, one doesn't cast her eyes in the direction of the mirror when she's in the dressing room trying on skirts and slacks at the local purveyor of high fashion. It's only later when one is home in the privacy of her own bathroom attending to "business" that one notices that something doesn't look quite right. It does, however, look sideways.

Ya know what's really bad? It's not the first time that's happened. (Which is just another thing to add to my list of reasons why I can never run for public office.)

Sooooo, in order to save this day, I'm going to do something nice for someone. Jeff, the soon-to-be groom, asked for advice on how to have a long and happy marriage. Well, Jeff, here's some great advice. Read it, print it, and carry it in your wallet until you have it memorized. I didn't write this, but it's too good not to pass it on to one in need:

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband!

DANGEROUS SAFER SAFEST ULTRA SAFE

What's for dinner? Can I help you with dinner? Where would you like to go for dinner? Here, have some wine

Are you wearing that? Wow, you sure look good in brown! WOW! Look at you! Here, have some wine

What are you so worked up about? Could we be overreacting? Here's my paycheck. Here, have some wine

Should you be eating that? You know, there are a lot of apples left. Can I get you a glass of wine with that? Here, have some wine

What did you DO all day? I hope you didn't over-do it today. I've always loved you in that robe! Here, have some wine and chocolate


Hope that helps, Jeff.

Til later,

Have some wine.

Books, Books, Books

Ok, Emily, I finally got around to finishing your tag, right after I went to my local Friends of the Library Book Sale. Don'tcha just LOVE getting a bag and a box of books for $12? I'm ready for winter...

A Book That Has Changed Your Life: The Dick and Jane readers (Look, Jane, look. See Spot. See Spot run. Run, Spot, run.) Even as a first-grader, I thought the literary style was a bit lacking, but it taught me how to read.

A Book You Have Read More Than Once: The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings trilogy by J.R.R.Tolkien

A Book You Would Want on a Desert Island: Carla Emery’s Old Fashioned Recipe Book, an Encyclopedia of Country Living (Do-it-yourself cosmetics, home-bottled beverages, a whole section on wild meat including frogs, turtles, and crawdad, open-kettle cooking and food preservation, and home remedies for colitis and other digestive problems—just in case you try eating those frogs and turtles.)

A Book That Made You Laugh: The Sweet Potato Queens’ Big Ass Cookbook (and Financial Planner) by Jill Conner Browne (which besides making me laugh out loud, also contains the recipe for my absolute favorite decadent treat, “Not-Southern Junior League Yummies.” Oooo, I’m drooling on my keyboard just thinking about them!)

A Book That Made You Cry: A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith

A Book You Wish You Had Written: The Gashlycrumb Tinies by Edward Gorey (“N is for Neville who died of ennui”....what a great line! And I love Gorey's artwork!)

A Book You Wish Had Never Been Written: my high school Algebra textbook

A Book You Are Currently Reading: 101 People Who Are Really Screwing America by Jack Huberman (I’m enjoying it even though he put “The Snowmobile, ATV, and Jet Ski Industries” at #83—I would have put them in the top 10)

A Book You Have Been Meaning to Read: Reading Lolita in Tehran by Azar Nafisi and Dead Watch by John Sanford plus the many, many books cluttering the table, floor, and shelf by my favorite reading chair...

Til later,

Weekends are made for relaxing, so go read a good book.

Pelican Blues

The story began Sunday morning when the Wordy One and I started getting phone calls about an injured Pelican on Albert Lea Lake. We didn't have a boat or a big enough net, so we directed the callers to contact the Wildlife Rehab Center in the Cities for advice. The calls kept coming. Late afternoon a caller (a policeman) told us the bird was now on land. The Wordy One decided he wasn't going to get any rest until he rescued the bird, so with pet carrier and blanket in hand, the Lone Ranger of Bird Rescue headed out. (The blanket was used to throw over the bird's head. This makes them less likely to take a chunk outa your flesh. The pet carrier was used to carry the bird (duh) which makes the likelihood of having a large wing in your face at 65 MPH a nonissue.)

When the Wordy One reached his destination, lots of people were gathered to watch the bird and take pictures. And no one helped him. But the Wordy One got his man, er, bird. Mr.P had an injured leg, but his wings were in good shape, and he was fiesty. A good sign. Fiesty is good. Oh, and one other thing, he had really, really bad breath. Fish breath.

We had to keep Mr.P in our garage overnight. Arrangements were made to take him up the road about 65 miles and hand him off to another volunteer who would make the final relay to the Wildlife Rehab Center in Roseville.

The Wordy One got the bird from the lake to our home. I got to take him on the second leg of his journey. His fish breath was still an issue. Luckily, I hadn't eaten breakfast before I ventured out. He didn't like the traffic on I-35 any better than I did! Every time a loud semi passed me, the Pelican would beat the snot out of the pet carrier. I prayed those cheap plastic bolts securing the top half of the pet carrier to the bottom half would hold! They did.

And when I handed him off, I said a prayer for the bird and the good folks at Wildlife Rehab. And I cried. Silly, isn't it? But I always shed a few tears when I hand off an injured bird.

Today we got an email telling us Mr.P had to be euthanized. His leg was too badly mangled. Part of it was already necrotized . He couldn't be rehabilitated, and he was in pain.

Sometimes it really sucks to have a big heart.

Til later,

Cry if you want to.